Afton diary, March 13

Today began with a stinkbug hunt.

Armed with my trusty Nerf N-Strike Maverick Rev-6 (motto: “Enlist, engage, enforce”), I went stalking the buggy invaders. They have declared a full assault on my humble abode, and negotiations have proved futile. So I have resorted to the final solution–death by Nerf dart.

Before you cry foul, alert PETA and petition the American Stinkbug Protection Society, I must inform you that stinkbugs have little redeeming value. They are the skunks of the insect world, only skunks have racing stripes and just possibly might be related to honey badgers. Stinkbugs can bite and do irritating things, like crawling across your iPad screen when you’re in bed trying to lull yourself to sleep by reading Twitter posts.

The first varmint I spotted this morning was in the kitchen, trying to hide next to the coffee maker. I unloaded the revolver without a hit–my eyes were still bleary from sleep, I reckon. It wasn’t because he/she was moving; stinkbugs can’t dodge and weave like, well, weevils. They just sit there, waiting to release toxic stinkiness whenever the mood suits. I reloaded and blasted that sucker with a shot right in the thorax (I’ve become quite a Nerf marksman–I’m working on my snipper merit badge). At first I thought I’d atomized him/her because there was nothing left, but then I saw him/her flying into the East Room (where a glorious sunrise was trying to distract me). I didn’t see where he/she landed, so I thought I’d type this while waiting for the critter to make a false move and reveal himself/herself. I am fully armed and totally ready. A thought: Do you think I could train a honey badger to be a hunting companion?

About admin

I am a writer. And a musician/songwriter. And a husband/father. I love good beer, the outdoors, the embrace of family, the company of true friends, the telling of a good story and the inner peace derived from quiet reflection in solitude. Recently I have specialized in beer writing. My most recent adventure is "Virginia Beer: A Guide from Colonial Days to Craft's Golden Age" published fall 2018 by University of Virginia Press. In October 2014, "Richmond Beer: A History of Brewing in the River City" was published by History Press. "Charlottesville Beer: Brewing in Jefferson's Shadow," followed in January 2017. Send me an email at rvabeerguy@gmail.com. As you can see from this site, however, my interests are broader than beer. Spend time, leave a comment or just enjoy. Lee
This entry was posted in Beer adventures. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Afton diary, March 13

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *